I don’t believe in Ghosts and I’m not really comfortable with (or good at) frightening people.

One Halloween, more than forty years ago, me, my mum and my brother turned off every light in the house and waited just inside the front door, for my dad to get home from work so we could frighten him. We’d made some frightening lanterns from turnips and learned a pretty frightening song about witches.

But when my Dad walked in he wasn’t frightened.

He was, if anything, visibly relieved. 

Now, this was a long time ago so I don’t remember all the details but apparently, my Dad, having pulled round the corner to see the house in total darkness was confused and a little concerned as to the whereabouts and, by extension, the wellbeing of his family. So, walking in to find two small boys brandishing candle lit vegetables and singing a song about how they were the ugliest witches he’d ever seen was in an odd way, quite reassuring.

Later, he said he’d been worried by all the lights being off and I felt bad about causing that worry. 

I still do.

A singularly seasonal story by Daniel Kitson that is definitely funny, potentially frightening and maybe, just maybe, a ghost story.